Any Old Excuse
by beanielova
Summary: Set when the Sannin Three were in Sarutobi's genin team. The team have just finished a mission and are staying as guests for the local Fireworks Festival. Jiraiya miscalculates... JIRAIYA x OROCHIMARU oneshot YAOI LEMON


_**Jiraiya x Orochimaru**_

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_AN: Set: when they're all teens. If this is an impossible situation, then it'll be AU. Back when they were all in Sarutobi's genin team. Awesomesauce. **Rated M for lemon**._

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**Any Old Excuse**

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Jiraiya chuckled, congratulating himself on finding yet another perfect hiding spot for the women's baths. No matter what town he was in, he always managed to uncover an opportune place for doing what he did best, spying on the pretty ladies.

"Now to sit and wait for the lovely beauties to come out," he sing-songed to himself, his smile spread wide across his face, the blush failing to hide his immorality.

Turning back towards the baths, he picked up his one of his favourite tools for his peeping, a pair of old and worn binoculars. Holding them up to his eyes, he mumbled some more praise to the women he had yet to see.

It was to be one of the last missions he shared with his friends before they graduated beyond the need of each other. Sarutobi-sensei had congratulated them all on escorting the local mayor without a single hitch, who was so pleased with their service he had demanded they stay at his villa for the Fireworks Festival due to take place that night.

Jiraiya, living up to his reputation, marched off in pursuit of some motivation for the novel he had plans on writing someday. Tsunade scoffed at him and went off in search for trinkets she could buy for her friends back home, despite the fact that she was straight out broke.

Orochimaru had yawned his disapproval at both of them and disappeared to 'escape the idiocy'.

So that was how the youngest pervert of Konoha came to sit, perched precariously amongst tree branches which hung a short distance over the steamy hot springs. He had been there for a good half hour with no luck.

"You'd think there'd be at least _one_ gorgeous lady in need of a good soak in this village…" he grumbled to himself, rustling in his pocket for some perv-fueling snacks.

As he popped some of the salty snacks into his mouth, his gaze returned to the coils of wispy steam rising from the baking stones.

"Well, _hello_…" he whispered to himself, rejuvenated as a slinky figure slunk into the water, hesitant at first.

His eyes flittered to the leaves above him and his hand flew to his mouth, the red blush adorning his cheeks once again.

"I really shouldn't…" he said quietly, picking up the binoculars again. A soft sigh of contentment floated to his ears from below.

"For research!!" he drooled.

A low whistle escaped his pursed lips as he took in the sight before him. She was turned away, but the view from the back was just as good. Porcelain skin, wet from condensation, lay delicious from her delicate shoulders down to her slim waist. Jiraiya cursed the steamy water from blocking the rest of the view.

Her hair, glossy and long, fell loosely around her, partially submerged in the water and flowing delicately as the ebb deemed fit.

"Like a sweet little water nymph…" Jiraiya crooned to himself. "No! Like a sprite, of a bubbling brook… Love at first sight! ..If only she'd turn ar-"

As if hearing his request, she sat up, preparing to swap sides. Jiraiya saw the whole thing in slow motion, sitting forward on his branch, eye's wide with anticipation. The girl started by lifting her hands behind her head, flipping her gorgeous hair around with her like some perfect scene from a movie.

Jiraiya could barely stifle the little yips he was making. This was well worth the wait.

But Karma was a vengeful force, and it had decided it was time for Jiraiya to pay for all his unscrupulous peeking.

Something exploded in his head as his mind took in the true sight before him.

_Orochimaru??_

That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was, well. Why couldn't he look away?

The delicious creamy skin was stretched across soft, lean features, and the hair framed his thin face. He looked like he was panting, the hot air getting to him, lips puffy and pink. _Like in the magazines…_ Jiraiya thought.

But he didn't have any time to think further before the weak little weed of a branch he had been leaning on gave out with a dull crack, sending him hurtling towards the hard ground.

He landed with a thud, meters away from the bathing '_beauty_' he had been spying on moments before.

"I was just starting to enjoy my day…" Orochimaru began, emotions nonexistent on his stoic face.

"I'm not, I mean… What're you doing in the women's baths!!" Jiraiya said, flustered.

Orochimaru stared at him blankly before pointing behind him. "Women's baths are over there."

The white-haired teen mentally scolded himself for not doing his research properly, while the pale man decided there was something better to point at.

"You alright there?" he said, voice cold and a smirk barely visible on his face. Jiraiya followed the long finger with his eyes, and realized he was pointing at his own _growing_ problem. He grabbed his crotch as the blush grew on his face.

"Yeah, well… there was this hot girl getting changed and…"

But the snake-summoning boy in the bath had long lost interest. He turned and stood, walking to the edge of the bath. Jiraiya's mouth dangled open as he stared after the perfect contours and long, lacy hair of his childhood friend.

When the water reached his waist, Jiraiya felt the steam getting to his head, and hot liquid was running down his face. Throwing his hands over the gushing nosebleed, he bolted out over the wooden fence surrounding the springs, bounding into the distance.

Orochimaru turned his head slightly, a feeble smile on his lips.

"Somehow… I don't believe that, _Jiraiya-kun_."

-

Jiraiya sat, sulking high atop a hill surrounding the village. Dusk had fallen, and the townspeople were far too concerned with the buzz and excitement of the festival to realize one person had gone missing.

It wasn't _his_ fault his body had reacted to stupid Orochimaru. In fact, it was HIS fault for looking like such a girly-boy from behind anyway.

Jiraiya panicked as images of a naked, wet, pale body flickered to life in his mind. They were almost harmless before, just recollections of the day. But as his imagination had found creative ways to place that body, his favourite so far being below him, groaning his name as he huffed in time to his thr...

"Damnit!!" he said, cruelly punching the grass next to him. His pants were feeling even more uncomfortable than the last time, which was only an hour or so before. Looking around him to confirm his solitude, he reached into his pants and pulled out the bane of his evening, propping himself awkwardly against a tree to support himself.

"Stupid… Oro…." Jiraiya mustered between jerks, trying to keep the new images at bay with his usual fantasies of bouncing breasts and heavy lidded eyes.

"Who's stupid?" a voice slithered out from somewhere behind him. Jiraiya jumped and tried to pivot while hiding himself, and failing.

"Who's there?" he hissed, before blushing even deeper when seeing who it was. "Orochimaru, you bastard, don't sneak up on people…" he stalled while hiding himself further.

In one quick movement that he should have predicted, Orochimaru had his hands pinned against the trunk, sitting on his legs so that he was flush in view.

"I.. I…" Jiraiya stammered, lost for words at the discomfited position the two were in. Today really couldn't get any worse. Orochimaru lent down, brushing past wisps of white hair so that his lips were pressed against his ear.

He spoke in hushed tones, it sounded like the wind that whistled through trees on those cold nights. "You started without me…"

Jiraiya's eyes flew open as he grasped the situation. He paused only briefly, before doing the typical perverted Jiraiya thing and taking advantage of the situation.

Throwing one last caution to the wind he asked, "Started what?"

Orochimaru smiled coldly and grabbed his manhood erect in between them.

"This," he breathed, his long tongue already tracing circles down his earlobes and neck.

Jiraiya grinned. Of course the snake was queer. He had never shown any interest in the pictures he often left lying around, or in joining him on any of his _personal_ top-secret missions.

Jiraiya felt his breath hitch as Orochimaru nipped down his chest, peeling the clothing from his body and discarding them around as if his flesh were repelling the material.

In seconds, before Jiraiya had a chance to stop him (even if he had wanted to) Orochimaru had his entire length in his mouth. The white haired boy jerked at the contact, the movement bringing a devious twinkle to Orochimaru's eyes.

Releasing him in a slow, drawn out movement, the pale teen looked up at his teammate… Jiraiya would have said seductively, had it been anyone else.

"You're a virgin."

Jiraiya choked on air. "What?" he blurted.

Orochimaru flashed some of his perfect teeth, his golden eyes thin and dangerous. His long tongue darted out to caress the other's jaw. He leaned in to make it official, a violent, heated kiss, wet and soft.

Eons passed and Jiraiya broke, panting for oxygen. Orochimaru was steadying his breath, too, which the white-haired boy found a little comforting. _He must be new at this too…_

Forcing his legs to move, Jiraiya pushed against Orochimaru so that they flipped positions, his head hitting the soft earth. He scowled up at the boy pinning him down, who was grinning like a maniac.

"What are you doing, moron?"

Jiraiya, who was almost completely naked, just grinned even more. "No way I'm gonna be the girl…"

Orochimaru squinted and wrapped his arms and legs around the figure on top of him. He was unsurprisingly limber, after all those attempts to perfect snake-style jutsu.

"I never intended on imposing such an imbecilic suggestion…"

And with that, a moan spilled from both their lips as Jiraiya ground down hard on the thin boy below.

"N- No more teasing," Orochimaru ground out through clenched teeth. Jiraiya held himself off as he tugged at all offending clothing, the black-haired boy hissing at him to move faster while lapping at his collarbone.

"Lube..?" Jiraiya said, a last minute thought as the final pieces were removed. He felt nails dig deep into his skin, and hot blood trickle down his back.

"Take that as a no," Jiraiya winced, removing the assaulting hands and holding them above his lover's head.

Positioning himself at Orochimaru's entrance with his spare hand, he felt the mouth at his neck tighten, bracing.

The push was slow and thoughtful, but the teeth still clamped down to lessen the pain, to share it, stay focused on the pleasure. Once he was all the way in, Orochimaru wasted no time before growling out the next demand.

"Move..!"

Jiraiya complied, shaking and exhausted already, but excitement and sparks shooting up his spine.

Orochimaru's eyes rolled to the back of his head as he helplessly squirmed underneath the weight, hands still pinned down. Jiraiya bent down and licked at the smooth expanse of skin he had been admiring earlier that day, his breath irregular.

Deep, guttural sounds were escaping the parched, pale lips underneath him, despite how desperately they tried to remain closed.

Thrusting in time to those sweet sounds, Jiraiya ran a rough hand down Orochimaru's side, sending a tremor through the boy below him. Grasping the neglected erection, he pumped it messily in synchronization with his own administrations.

A raw, animalistic sound shuddered out of Orochimaru's frail frame, sending all of Jiraiya's senses haywire. He felt the heat explode out of the boy below him, the grip tighten in climax, and then fall hopelessly down.

As the muscles spasmed back, closing in around Jiraiya's throbbing flesh, the teen felt his eyelids flutter shut, lost in sensation. Three deep thrusts, and he came hard inside the used teen sprawled before him.

Jiraiya crawled over to lie next to him, panting, gasping their breath back. Once the silence became heavy, Orochimaru turned his head to face his perverted teammate.

"Fireworks."

Jiraiya grinned, "Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?"

Orochimaru sat up, collecting his clothes. "No, you fool. Fireworks. The Fireworks Festival…"

"Ah!" Jiraiya said, sitting up, gathering his own things and throwing them on chaotically, "The pretty ladies… in their yukatas…"

Orochimaru quietly dressed himself in the shadows, listening to Jiraiya's intangible ramblings.

"… I wonder if there'll be a Festival Princess… I wonder if she has big…"

He paused. Orochimaru was always that quiet, right? An uneasy feeling grew in his stomach. He placed a hand on the snake-summoner's shoulder.

"You wanna stay here and watch the fireworks with me?" Jiraiya smiled. Orochimaru followed his hand to his kind and cheery face.

"I'm not some girl who needs to be looked after," he said, brushing the hand away stoically and turning around, sitting himself on some untainted grass.

He patted the unoccupied space next to him.

"…sure."


End file.
